This blog is Part 1 of an extremely important issue I’m facing and many of you may be as well. I hope sharing my journey helps enlighten others who may be experiencing the same symptoms and issues that I’ve been dealing with. So many friends have shared their stories, and I am grateful to them. Without them, my suffering may have continued and potentially with dire consequences.

When I was 20, I received my first set of Dow Corning silicone breast implants. The reason was purely because it was a trend, and I thought it fun to wear the current fashions in a new way. My girlfriend had it done, and she looked great. She was very tall and thin, and the implants really looked good on her. She referred me to her doctor, and I was off and running. I had a nice trim 32 B figure. If I had to do it over, I would never have gone near implants. I can honestly say it’s the biggest regret of my life.

My first set was placed over the muscle. The procedure was straightforward aside from the fact, that they became hard and misshapen almost immediately. My doctor said this is a common side effect. To remedy the capsular contracture (hardening) he would manually squeeze them to make them soft again. It was painful, and it never seemed to work for longer than a day or so. At that time, I don’t recall any significant health issues I was having other than dry, bloodshot eyes and dry skin which I chalked up to genetics and my contact lenses. I accepted my hard and misshapen breasts, and while I was unhappy with them, it never occurred to me to have them removed.

Fast forward a few years when Dow Corning recalled my implants, and my second set was put in, free of charge, aside from the surgery center cost. This set was saline, as they deemed that saline was healthier than silicone according to my surgeon. He placed this set under the muscle. This procedure was much more painful. My hopes for “normal” looking breasts were doused once again. These were worse than the first set. Although it was a slow progression, eventually the right one became “sunken in” below the nipple and the left one had a double bubble. They looked awful, and I could not look at them in the mirror for the next 14 years or so, nor did I want my husband to look at them. Even under certain clothing, you could see there was a deformity.

At this point, looking back, I started having strange symptoms aside from the constant dry eyes and dry skin. I started having skin rashes that came and went and then vertigo entered the picture. My first episode of vertigo was terrifying. I remember it very clearly. I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night as I often did. But this particular night, when I laid back down, the room began spinning violently. It wouldn’t stop it. It lasted for a minute or so, but it felt like so much longer. I had episodes like this for the next few years. I did eventually have an MRI about a year after that first episode, but it came back negative for any abnormality. My doctor chalked it up to crystals breaking off in my inner ear. Apparently, it was something I would just have to live with.

Around this time, I believe I read an article about a woman removing her implants and how happy she was with her results. She said they looked very similar to how they were originally. So, this is when I first contemplated removing them. I consulted with a doctor I was referred to by a friend. He told me that they most likely would look worse if they were removed. He suggested I remove them for six months and then replace them. I was discouraged so I decided to postpone the procedure. In hindsight, I should have realized he just wasn’t the right doctor.

In 2013 I moved to a new city. My neighbor told me her surgeon is great, and she encouraged me to consult with her. The articles I read were saying that implants were improving with new textures and shapes. It stated they were much safer than the original ones on the market. Well, that absolutely was not true, but doctors aren’t going to tell you that they’re not safe when it’s their job to put them in. Always go with your gut.

I made an appointment right away, and I met with my friend’s doctor. She was personable and had great reviews, so I took the leap again … a very expensive 15k leap. She seemed convinced she could make “improvements,” but they would not be perfect. It was a huge jump from the 5k I paid for my first implants. But I had faith in her, and I replaced set number two with new improved smooth gummy bear implants. I’m not sure of the manufacturer. The surgery went well, and they did look much better for a couple of weeks. The double bubble in the left breast was gone, but the right implant again developed the sucked-in appearance. It was so disappointing. The surgeon was disappointed and concerned as well. She tried a fat transfer procedure a few weeks later. It was painful and failed within a week. I believe that was another 2k.

Looking back, it seems crazy to have gone through all of this when my biggest goal is to be healthy. I eat clean…really clean. I work out six days a week. I meditate, and I practice mindfulness and manifestation. Putting something foreign in my body so close to my vital organs is counterintuitive to my goal of health and longevity. My trust in doctors at that time was inexplicable. I never did any outside research or take a deep dive into breast implants themselves. If I can give you any advice, it’s to be your own advocate. Doctors are human and they provide a service for money. And while I believe most doctors have the best intentions, we must look out for ourselves and do our due diligence. Period.

In 2016, a family member introduced me to my next surgeon, a young, health-conscious doctor in Beverly Hills. She did tons of research, and she had the means to go to any doctor she wanted, but she chose him. I trust her implicitly. I made an appointment right away. It was 22k for the Moderna Gummy Bear implants with a lift that he suggested. I was shocked at the cost. I made an appointment for surgery number 4. I told him during my pre-op that I was really leaning toward just removing them. I told him my story, and that they’ve been a nightmare for me up until this point, which is most of my life. He told me he really thought he could “fix” them and have a great result. He said I was too young to give up and to give it one more try. He was very sincere; I went for it. To his credit, he did do a great job. They looked pretty good for a few years anyway.

Cut to 2022 when I started noticing changes. The right breast again started to indent just a bit, but I noticed other things such as rippling on the sides and the feeling that something wasn’t right. Around this same time, I was experiencing extreme fatigue, and having bouts of insomnia, both are rare for me. I thought I had covid and took a test, but it was negative.

Upon self-examination, I noticed some small marble-sized nodules in my left breast. I made an appointment with my gynecologist. Although I had just had a mammogram a month prior that came back normal, I knew there was something wrong. My doctor felt the nodules and said I need to get an ultrasound. The insurance company had me do another “diagnostic” mammogram before they would authorize an ultrasound. It turns out the diagnostic mammogram is the same type of mammogram as the one I had a month prior. Complete waste of time and money. Again, it came back normal. I was sent to the ultrasound room. The technician told me she located the nodules right away. There were quite a few and they were on both sides right by my lymph nodes. The radiologist said the nodules were silicone and there was also a “snowstorm” of silicone in the surrounding tissue as well. Not what I expected, but relieved it wasn’t cancer. It’s impossible to say how long the silicone has been there because I’ve never had an ultrasound that I can recall. I know it doesn’t show up on a mammogram. I knew they needed to come out right away.

This time I did my due diligence. I knew I needed the right surgeon. I researched the internet for days on end until I found two support sites on Facebook. Breast Implant Illness and Healing by Nicole and BII Support and Explant Assistance Group. I also watched Karissa Pukas’ YouTube recount of her story as well as many others. I know my body well, and these changes could not have been a coincidence.

I found a highly recommended surgeon in La Jolla, Dr. Tim Sayed. I made an appointment that day. This meeting was a totally different experience than my prior meetings discussing explant. He believed there was some validity to the symptoms women associated with their implants. I’m thrilled to say I’m scheduled for August 25, 2022, and that date can’t come fast enough.

The symptoms I’ve encountered over the years are dry eyes, dry skin, vertigo, underarm rashes, brain fog, muscle pain (slow to recover post workouts), vision problems, hormone imbalance, low libido, difficulty taking deep breaths, frequent urination, and in the last few months prior to the diagnosis of silicone nodules and possible rupture, insomnia, clenched jaw, pain on the chest wall, swollen lymph nodes and anxiety.

I can’t say if these symptoms are caused by my implants, but in my gut, I believe most of them are. I look forward to having them removed to see if there’s an improvement. Having these toxic, chemical-filled bags so close to my heart and lungs and important organs just doesn’t make sense to me. I look forward to sharing Part 2 of my story. If you have any questions, please reach out. If I don’t have the answer, I will point you in the right direction.

I’d like to point out that many women have no issues with their implants. If you are symptom-free and happy, I wish you the best; I genuinely do. But for anyone who is suffering and has implants, please do your own research, and consider removing them. Your health is too important.

Peace & Love xx